My son has recently developed a new habit. You see, he starts out sleeping in his crib, but most every night, at some point, he ends up in bed with Mama and Papa. I don't mind him sleeping with us because I know it is temporary. I didn't even mind nursing him when he woke. Recently though he has begun climbing up on top of me in the middle of the night and latching on to my boobs. I usually face away from him and he will climb up my back, attempting to get on the other side of my body and will then pull my top away from my breast for access. That itself isn't as bad as the baby wanting to stay on top of me, not next to me, on top of me while he sucks on my boob and sleeps. He often times will pull my hair in a way that I think he finds soothing (I find it anything but soothing). Oh, and he practically chokes me by placing his arm on my throat. When I try to place him next to me, ever so gently, he wakes and starts crying.
I have made the decision that it is time for change. I don't like who I have become with regard to night nursing. While I am very accommodating to my son and treat him with nothing but affection, I quietly am resentful of the fact that I am up all night. I want so badly to get more that three hours of sleep at a time and every time it seems like things are getting better, they just as quickly move back to the all night waking. I have decided that since we have successfully day weaned, it is time to begin night weaning. My all night boob diner is closing up shop. I have truly enjoyed nursing my son, but he does not need to nurse all night long. Last night the baby woke at 3am. This was the third time he woke (I think. It may have been the fourth, but at some point you just stop counting). I nursed him and he quickly went back to sleep.
I couldn't fall back to sleep. So I pulled my phone out from under my pillow - isn't it sad that I feel the need to sleep with my phone under my pillow? I don't have a night stand or else the phone would rest there. Anyway, I began reading a piece that someone had written about their tragic loss of a friend. It was extremely touching - and sad - and beautiful - and I found myself so deep in thought that I didn't think I would ever get back to sleep. Suddenly it was 350am and the baby again woke and again, wanted to nurse. I decided that I was going to try to put him back to sleep without nursing.
We got out of the bed and headed into the living room where I offered the baby some water from his sippy cup. He drank some and rested his head on my shoulder. I sat in the rocker with him and he was calm for a minute and then fussed when he realized my boobs weren't coming out. I stood up and walked around with him at which point he calmed and then sat down to rock again. He fell asleep in my arms. "Fantastic!" I thought as I went to put him in his crib, only to find that he cried when I put him down. I picked him up again and repeated the same activities and finally was able to get the baby cradled in my arms and just swayed back and forth over his crib for what seemed like forever. He was not sleeping but he was calm and very sleepy. I gently placed him in his crib once he got to that point where I thought he would fall asleep. He didn't, but he didn't cry. I kept my hand on his chest and stayed with him for a few minutes until I thought he was sleeping. I quietly walked away from the crib and just as I got in bed he started crying again. "Oh man" I thought, "how do people do this all night?" It had been almost two hours at this point. I picked him up again and held him, rocked him for a minute and when he was once again heavy in my arms, I placed him in my bed at which point he went to sleep and slept for three hours until my husband got up. Whenever my husband gets up the baby wakes and wants to get up.
Something was different this morning though. The baby woke and rather than wanting to climb on my and nurse, he simply sat up and played with the dog. He didn't even try to wake me up. Wow. I wonder if I can do the same thing tonight? I decided that I will nurse him as many times as I need to before I go to bed, but after I go to bed, the boobs are off limits until the morning (if the baby even wants them in the morning). Today he went sixteen hours without nursing. Sixteen effing hours! I can't believe it! That is two thirds of the day! I am not sure if I will make through the night without giving in, but I am willing to give it a shot. After all, I thought it was going to be hell trying to get the baby back to sleep without nursing. I thought he would wail all night. That is why I have not tried night weaning previously but he surprised me. It wasn't bad. It took forever, but I didn't give in and it was a peaceful awake time. I have a renewed sense of confidence that I can do this. I got this.
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