Bedtime Bliss ~ Our Long Journey

It took almost two years, but finally, finally we have bedtime success! Let me start at the beginning so that those who are where I was don't feel so alone.

Bedtime has always been a struggle for us.  As a result, we developed what some would consider bad habits.  I tried several techniques described either in books I read (books that I loved and thought for sure would work for us), found online or were used by friends and family to try to get my son to bed on his own and at a reasonable hour.  We have always had a bedtime routine (the typical bath, book, bed type) but my son would not go to bed on his own.  Yes, I am sure if I implemented the cry it out method it would have worked eventually, but I just couldn't do it.  I was in a situation where my son had to be sleeping before being put in his crib for well over a year.  On top of this he was going to bed way too late for a little guy at around 10pm.  He wasn't lacking sleep as he would sleep late into the morning and take a lengthy nap in the afternoon but my husband and I never had time to ourselves in the evening.  Mom and Dad should really have some Mom and Dad time.

For a year I nursed my son to sleep day and night. After that ended I would get him to sleep by putting him in his swing (yes we used it way too long) or rocking him until he was out and then would ever so carefully place him in his crib.  Then I got pregnant and my pregnant belly just couldn't handle the bending over into the crib towards the end! It was hard enough to rock him on my disappearing lap! So we transferred to a toddler bed.  Again, I tried to get my son to go to bed on his own, thinking this was a new, exciting way to get him on board.  Nope.  Now he could not only scream, but get out of bed over and over again.

I think part of the problem was that we were in a one bedroom apartment.  My son could see my bed with me not in it and hear the tv in the other room or Mama and Papa talking.  He wanted in on the action.  If we got the boy to sleep at an earlier hour he would wake at least once prior to us going to bed and we would have to start the process of getting him to sleep over again.  This usually meant turning off the tv and lights even though we weren't ready for bed ourselves.  My son wasn't able to soothe himself back to sleep.  When we put him to bed later in the evening he tended to stay asleep and when I was pregnant, this is what I cared about more than his bedtime.  A full night of sleep was my priority.  If I was woken in the middle of the night it was rare that I could easily fall back to sleep.

I felt guilty for a long time about our bedtime habits.  I was ashamed that my kid stayed up so late in the evening.  Then I found that I was not alone.  I spoke with other moms who were in my same boat and I began to feel more normal.  Perhaps my son's body had its own internal clock that was set similar to my own rather than to kid time.  I did, however, continue to feel a bit ashamed to still be using his swing.  I mean he was four months from being two and he was still using a swing to take naps and get to sleep at night?  No bueno.  This continued until we had the baby and moved into our new home.

Once we moved, I explained that the swing was now for "E" and we would have a new routine for going to sleep.  I started with bedtime.  I began rocking with "O" in his bedroom (this was key: the rocking chair didn't fit in the bedroom in our apt. so it was in the living room) and immediately we saw a difference.  The first few nights I explained to him that he was a big boy now and big boys go to sleep in their big boy beds awake and stay there until they fall asleep etc.  I explained that I would be in the other room and would come back to check on him.  He willingly went into his bed and for about a week stayed there..... all night!  I was ecstatic!

Then we went through a testing phase.
He would go into his bed and then get up several times before staying there.  It got worse.  I would put him in his bed and he would not even stay for a second, he immediately got up.  It was now a game to him.  For several nights I basically used a modified "super nanny" version of getting him to bed.  I continuously put him back in his bed and immediately left the room and stood outside the door, even if I knew he was right behind me. Once he got to his bedroom door, I silently and gently placed him back in his bed.  He screamed, cried, laughed and pleaded but I simply continued over and over.  Finally he calmed and wanted to rock with me in the chair.  I let him know that I would rock with him for a few minutes and then it was time to go to bed.  As I did this I was thinking it was the wrong move; teaching him that throwing a tantrum would get him what he wanted, but after rocking for a few minutes he gave me a kiss and went into his bed for the night.  It took an hour and half to get him to bed that night.  The next night, he got up after about five minutes.  I didn't make a big deal of him getting up and simply said "you are supposed to be in bed; lets go back" and when we got to his room I pretended to look at an email on my phone as to not engage or let him think this was a game.  He went straight to his bed and once he got in I left the room.  He stayed there.  Since then he has gone to bed easily, sometimes getting up and I simply escort him back to his room.

Recently, however, the routine has morphed again.  One night we were rocking in his chair and he threw me out of his chair so that he could rock on his own.  I let him and left his room, letting him know I would be back to check on him.  I went back and he was passed out in the chair.  I put him in his bed and he stayed there for the night.  Now our routine is bath, brush teeth and get pj's on, read a book or two and then go to rock in the chair.  I rock with him for about two minutes (if at all) and then he kicks me out and he rocks himself to sleep.  I even stopped the cup of milk before bed that was bugging me because he had already brushed his teeth.  The best part, well there are two..... 1. I have been able to get the boy to bed earlier (between 8 and 845pm) which may sound late but it is great progress for us.  Soon we will be at my 8pm goal.  Any earlier than that might be pushing it, but we shall see. The time change definitely assisted in this earlier bed time as it gets dark out earlier. And....2. When he wakes in the night he will get in his chair and rock himself without disturbing us.  I of course, hear him rocking and go in after a while to put him back in bed, but I think it is great that he has found a way to soothe himself.  This hasn't stopped him completely from waking me every now and then, but I am proud of him none the less. An earlier bed time also means an earlier rising time, and I am not a morning person, but I just push myself out of bed and zombie walk to the coffee maker each day.  Within a half hour I forget how early it is!

Nap time has become a cinch as well.  We eat lunch and then shortly after I tell "O" it is time to go to his rocking chair and even if he protests a little he follows me to his room.  I sit down in the chair and offer to rock with him for a few minutes but again, he wants to rock himself and once he falls asleep I place him in bed.

Whether it is nap or bed time, I always give the little guy the option of going to his big boy bed or rocking in his chair.  I want him to understand that he doesn't "have to" rock to sleep.  Once in a while he just goes to his bed but these days he would sleep in that chair all night if I let him.  The important thing is that he doesn't rely on me to get to sleep.  If rocking is how he soothes himself, that's fine with me. I wish he would rock for a few minutes and then go to his bed on his own but I choose to focus on the progress we have made.  I have successfully been able to get both kids to bed every night by 9 and now I have a little time to myself.  I forgot how much I enjoy it! It has been a very long journey and I finally have a feeling of normalcy.  I no longer have to worry when we go out of town or camping about how I am going to get the boy to sleep.  I could even leave him with someone for the evening and feel confident that they would have success getting him to bed.  I feel freed and it feels amazing.

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